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wow. i am actually quite surprise that i didn go out today.
i actually told hsuli that i don't want go out today.
i think that just shows how shitty i feel right now.
i am so bloody careless.
i am so bloody cock eye.
i read questions wrongly!
not just one okay?
it's like. TONS!
i read the numbers wrongly.
i read the question wrongly and ended up answering the wrong question.
i wrote the equation correctly but i didn explain why cause i didn read until that part.
whats else?
oh ya. they asked me the name of country i went to describe it.
cool right? and the best of all.
i know the answers to the question.
i am so pissed!
oh ya.
not to mention that i am careless again.
calculation error. negative and negative = negative.
cool right? one more the whole sum i write negative final answer i write positive.
i think Mr Yong angry with me.
he give me paper that time still hit my head can?
then he scared that i don't know that i careless is it?
he went to circle the mistake and wrote a big fat CARELESS down there!
seriously. what is happening to me?
is it due to stress?
i just totally blanked out during the exam!
i revise that time do the question b4, but during the exam , i cant rmb how i did it.
i just totally BLANKED OUT!
all the facts got really messed up during the exams. and everything got even worst.
started feeling nervous and cant rmb a single shit that I've studied.
i rather i get a BIG FAT ZERO can?
then at least i know where to pick myself up.
but with all the careless mistake around,
i don't know what i actually don't understand about the topic.
i think i need to go back to the bochap attitude i have during primary school and lower sec.
PSLE that time i din study siahh.
the day before i even went down to play until 7plus then come home.
still told my mum that i will go crazy if she asked me to study more.
no pressure at all. i dont even care if i go neighbourhood school cause it doesn't matter to me.
then get back results that day, i was late.
i wasn't even nervous or excited to get back results.
no feeling at all. cause that time i don't give a damn about studying but then results quite okay.
i didn fail anything during my primary school life given my shitty attitude about studying.
then lower sec also heck care.
secTWO streaming last minute study also.
end up getting A for science and maths.
hmmm. think geog also? i not sure. i don't like humans.
plus i even passed my most hated subject. history.
i am one of the small handful that passed.
besides that, i fell asleep during the history paper. too tire le.
the day before i studied history for a few hours then go watch TV le.
no stress no nothing.
but end up quite okay.

LESSON LEARNT:
don't give a damn about studying and everything will end up okay.

seriously, why is it every time i prepare for an exam, everything turns out wrong?
every time i last minute de, everything is okay?
am i really suppose to do last minute work every time?
or i think the best way is to 用平常心去面对考试.
no stress no pressure.
i think that is the best way for me to function.
i think i am the carefree type?
no worries is the best policy? haha!

seriously. i think my parents are very understanding.
but i would rather they scold me and blame me for my shitty results.
instead they encouraged me. it made me feel worse instead.
but i really appreciated that.
and i really wonder how i can encourage other people when i am feeling so shitty?
i am telling them, nvm.
this time mid year only still got prelim.
o level get good marks then can le.
but i am feeling so shitty inside.
even tho i know what I've said is true, but i seriously don't feel encouraged at all.